We have all been there.
On teams were minimap, flanks...even moving is beyond the comprehension of your team-"mates".
I have spotted some trends in these team.
Some sure way to know you are on a fail team...run by lemmings who think they are "Rommels".
I have dubbed these tankers "Remmel's" (Rommel and lemmings combined) and think a photo will do just fine in explaning the "details"
1st rule:
If there is a city region, Remmel's go lemming there, ignores flank...and loses....over and over and over and over.
(Like in Ruinberg, Remmel's rush to go PAB in city, ignores flank, gets outflanked...and don't get why they lose. This is especially bad when many platoons are in game, the more platoons, the more Remmel's running for city...the faster the loss)
2nd rule:
If on the defensive side of an assualt-map, Remmel's think camping in CAP is smart move...gets outflanked, killed in CAP...and loses.
(Like in Westfield, Remmels camp in base, not caring who will spot for them...not realizing that camping in CAP leads to being outflanked, spotted and shot down like fish in barrel.)
Remmel's have the term "defensive" confused with "camping"
Sadly they also have the term "offensive" confused with "camping"...which complicates progress for Remmel's in the game.
3rd rule:
If enemy starts CAP of friendly base, Remmel's brilliant move (even if the counter has begun) is to try and rush towards enemy base and start own CAP to win...only to realize that the space-time dosn't bend, even if they want it too...really, really, really bad...and loses.
4th rule:
When Remmel's group up in a lemmingtrain....it only takes 1 tank to stop 12 tanks.
The Remmel's will drive like an unstoppable train...6 heavies strong with 4 meds and 2 lights as support, music going full volume, open hatches.
But then...oh noes...an enemy tanks is spotted by the train...blocking the trains advance.
All STOP, block each other, sitting ducks for enemy arty...PAB mode engaged...and all the enemy tanks has to do is spot...Remmel's will NOT move until danger-tanker in front is dead...so they try and scare him off with near misses...a LOT of them!!!
(He could be hiding some secret weapon...better be carefull).
5th rule:
Remmel's like hills and mountains so much they will DIE for the view.
So much they will glady climb any hill to get a view.
Who cares if they can't spot or hit anything.
Who cares that sitting ontop of a moutain = spotted from MAX range?
The view is puuurdy from the top Remmel' think...until their tank goes ba-da-boom.
But the view is still puuurdy from the top!!!
6th rule:
Remmel's like protecting arty.
So much they will camp their heavy right alongside arty...in CAP if possible.
They will often call people "n00bs" and other stuff....while they fire 2 rounds (none of them hit)...while camping by arty...even when enemy has begun capping.
They will sit there faithfully...until enemy is done capping and game is lost...and the blame all the dead ACTIVE teammembers for the loss.
7th rule:
Remmel's like being tail to a BIG tank.
They see a Maus..they run up behind it..and stay there.
Even when Maus need to reverse....transforming the Remmel's from annoying Remmel-tail...to moronic teamplayer blocking you
Remmels don't care...BIG tank looks nice...friendly...and huggable.
8th rule:
Remmel's like to talk Klingon....they really do!
All it takes is one Remmel to start of in Klingon...and suddenly all Remmel's are busy typing.
Forget enemy...it's time to "pamrel si klingon".
Often this excercise of typing Klingon takes all the Remmel's mental capacity...and game is lost shortly afterwards.
9th rule:
Remmel's like to hide.
Their version of "hide" anyways.
Game loads...and the only clue that the Remmel is online is a small gun movement.
But Remmel's stay dead still....they like hiding....and no better place to hide...than in CAP!!!
And Remmels and quite good at staying still.
Clicks on map...Remmel's don't move an inch.
Pleas for help...Remmel's still good...not moving.
Enemy toards CAP...Remmel's got nerves of stell...still dosn't move.
Enemy INSIDE CAP....not sweat....Remmel's know they are HIDING ^^
Suddenly..enemies fire on Remmel.
Remmel's gets really confused then....first sign is a sudden swirl with the gun.
Enemies hit Remmel's again....now they move their turret.
Enemies hit Remmel's again...and now Remmel's wake up...realize they are spotted, outflanked and 3 arty shells are incoming, they hurl themselfes an impressive 3 meters..and then die in a big BOOM...much to their surprise.
But Remmel's really like to hide.
10th rule:
When Remmel's are shot by enemy tank which he doesnt see or doesnt have spotted, Remmel's proceeds closer towards shooting enemy.
Usually such move ends with Remmel's death and enemy tank still unspotted while Remmel's in anger shouts about "hacking", "gold rounds is for n00bs" or "Fail team".
11th rule:
When Remmel's drives around a corner, out of cover and is instantly annilated by enemy fire from hidden tanks, the fellow Remmel's believes that the enemy will have gone home and they can now drive round the corner in safety.
Often Remmels are chaught nasty unaware that dead tank infront of you means danger...
12th rule:
Remmel's are so happy about their new tank and new gun, that they will often fire several volleys in the first 30 seconds of battle.. Often resulting in Detracking Team mates, occasionally setting team mates on fire. At times they will continue shooting through the entire battle, regardless if any enemies are spotted or not, but making damn sure they themselves are indeed spotted the entire battle....becasue Remmel's really like their gun...and the loud noises an pretty light it makes.
x-th rule
Remmel's never read about game mechanics, game tactics, use the forum...nor will they ever see this post.
But the next time you spot a Remmel or more on you own team...just smile, think of this post...and drive to the OTHER section of the map...chances are good YOU will do some good then
