chello(1) helpdesk Reference Manual chello(1
)
NAME
chello helpdesk- nuff said
SYNOPSIS
0207700700 [-1234]
DESCRIPTION
chello helpdesk is the reason why your friends cant call you because youre listening to gloria estefan all the time.
OPTIONS
when your internet connection is down call 020 7700700 or a number that applies for your region.
next you will hear a person speaking to you but this is only a tape recording giving you a lot of options to throw you of track right a way.
keep cool and just punch the following numbers: 1, 2, 4
now you will hear another voice which is also a tape recording telling you to hold the line because a technician will help you anytime soon, please note, this is only a blatant lie.
the next thing you will hear is yet another tape recording of a woman who goes by the name of gloria estefan, who will be screaming awfull music into your ear.
but dont hang up at this stage!
ont let this psychological torture get to you even when you think you cant handle it anymore,
best thing to do is to make yourself a nice cup of coffee and watch some tv( TV: a device your parents used to watch while screaming at you to leave your computer alone once in a while and get out the house to get some sun and fresh air)
after an hour or so, pick up the phone and listenen if a real human being is talking to you on the other end.
if so, this will not be a technician, it would more likely be some woman without any knowledge whatsoever concerning computers.
dont get angry with her because its her first day on the job and probably her last.
she will tell you that the network is down in your particulair neighborhood and then will procede to ask you for your zipcode and house number.
just tell her that you cant receive nor send ip packets to and from your default gateway so she wont know what you're talking about and she will panic and decide that you might really need to speak to a real technician.
she will put you on hold again and you will have to listen to that same music again, but dont despair, youre halfway there already.
after another half hour or so, a man will answer the phone, now its really important not to listen to his bullshit about wheter there are any lights burning on your modem or not, just tell him in a loud and manly voice to reset your filters.
after this, life is as it should have been.
thats all (dont forget to turn off that tv thingy again).
SEE ALSO
whoatemymodem(5), a2000(5), retarded(1), idiots(1)
wat ik dus eigenlijk wilde zeggen is dat als ze je gaan vertellen dat er een storing in jouw buurt is dat het waarschijnlijk niet zo is en "gewoon" je filters moeten worden gereset(duurt minimaal 2 seconde) en dan werkt het weer,
en ik vindt dat niet iedereen daar pas na 3 dagen hoeft achter te komen zoals ik.
)
NAME
chello helpdesk- nuff said
SYNOPSIS
0207700700 [-1234]
DESCRIPTION
chello helpdesk is the reason why your friends cant call you because youre listening to gloria estefan all the time.
OPTIONS
when your internet connection is down call 020 7700700 or a number that applies for your region.
next you will hear a person speaking to you but this is only a tape recording giving you a lot of options to throw you of track right a way.
keep cool and just punch the following numbers: 1, 2, 4
now you will hear another voice which is also a tape recording telling you to hold the line because a technician will help you anytime soon, please note, this is only a blatant lie.
the next thing you will hear is yet another tape recording of a woman who goes by the name of gloria estefan, who will be screaming awfull music into your ear.
but dont hang up at this stage!
ont let this psychological torture get to you even when you think you cant handle it anymore,
best thing to do is to make yourself a nice cup of coffee and watch some tv( TV: a device your parents used to watch while screaming at you to leave your computer alone once in a while and get out the house to get some sun and fresh air)
after an hour or so, pick up the phone and listenen if a real human being is talking to you on the other end.
if so, this will not be a technician, it would more likely be some woman without any knowledge whatsoever concerning computers.
dont get angry with her because its her first day on the job and probably her last.
she will tell you that the network is down in your particulair neighborhood and then will procede to ask you for your zipcode and house number.
just tell her that you cant receive nor send ip packets to and from your default gateway so she wont know what you're talking about and she will panic and decide that you might really need to speak to a real technician.
she will put you on hold again and you will have to listen to that same music again, but dont despair, youre halfway there already.
after another half hour or so, a man will answer the phone, now its really important not to listen to his bullshit about wheter there are any lights burning on your modem or not, just tell him in a loud and manly voice to reset your filters.
after this, life is as it should have been.
thats all (dont forget to turn off that tv thingy again).
SEE ALSO
whoatemymodem(5), a2000(5), retarded(1), idiots(1)
wat ik dus eigenlijk wilde zeggen is dat als ze je gaan vertellen dat er een storing in jouw buurt is dat het waarschijnlijk niet zo is en "gewoon" je filters moeten worden gereset(duurt minimaal 2 seconde) en dan werkt het weer,
en ik vindt dat niet iedereen daar pas na 3 dagen hoeft achter te komen zoals ik.
"I disagree with what you are saying, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." -- not clear who
k!)