Heb zelf bij mijn zeer korte carriere bij Volmac ooit nog eens Cobol cursus gehad. Brrr..
Vergelijk Cobol met de rest en huiver
:
THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO LANGUAGES
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to
have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This handy
reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find
themselves in such a dilemma.
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TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot
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C :
1st version : You shoot yourself in the foot.
2nd version : Y sht yrslf in ft
3rd version : Ystyslift
4rd version : ysft
If you compile it backwards the same program will reload the gun and
shoot you in the right foot.
C++ :
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible
since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing
at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN :
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes,
then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you
continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyway because you have no
exception-handling capability.
Pascal :
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Ada :
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the
gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you
try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong
type.
COBOL :
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to
HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.
LISP :
(You shoot yourself in the appendage which (holds the gun) with which
(you shoot yourself in the appendage which (holds the gun) with which
(you shoot yourself in the appendage which (holds the gun) with which
(you shoot yourself in the appendage which (holds the gun) with which
(you shoot yourself in the appendage which (holds... )))))
Foot in yourself shoot.
Prolog :
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program
figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain
it to you.
BASIC :
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems,
continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Visual Basic :
You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll
have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.
HyperTalk :
Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the
result.
Motif :
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its
trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun.
When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
APL :
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to
do it in fewer characters.
SNOBOL :
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot
yourself in the right foot.
Unix :
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm *.o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%
Concurrent Euclid :
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
370 JCL :
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining
exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes
back deep-fried.
Paradox :
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.
Access :
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your
Borland distribution diskettes first. Then after waiting for the result
for 10 minutes, Windows breaks down.
Revelation :
You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just
as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are
for.
Assembler :
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first
invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
Modula2 :
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this
language, you shoot yourself in the head.
DOS/VSE/SP (etc) :
You first find the building you're in in the phone book, then find your
office number in the corporate phone book. Then you have to write this
down, then describe, in cubits, your *exact* location, in relation to the
door (right hand side thereof). Then you need to write down the location
of the gun(loading it is a proprietary utility), then you load it, and
the COBOL
program, and run them, and, with luck, it may be run tonight.
OS/MVS/etc :
You tell it you need a gun, and that you need space to put your foot,
then you run that, along with the COBOL program. Don't forget to store
the code as a proc, if you need to shoot your other foot.
ADA :
you scour all 154e56 pages of the manuals, looking for references to
"foot", "leg", or toes; then get hopelessly confused and give up. You
sneak in when the boss isn't around and actually write the stinkin' thing
in C, and turn 7689 pages of source code in to the review committee,
knowing that they'll never look at it. When the program needs
maintenance, you resign.
Java :
You load your gun, pull the trigger, but your foot is invulnerable
because the security manager won't allow such a dangerous task!
taal... Degenen die het wel goed kunnen, verdienen er waarschijnlijk wel veel aan 
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