>- Forward This!
>Howdy Doody
>I get sick of all this touchy feel good crap all the time so here is
>one
>to balance things up a bit more!! Have a good day and hope that the
>message below puts it all in perspective
>Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and
>deadly
>diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of
>being
>kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
>forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people
>who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year
>old
>girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise
>enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her
>off to the travelling freak show.
>Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
>everyone you send "his" e-mail to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
>lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid
>by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So
>basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out
>there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail
>forwards.
>Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment
>and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was
>started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget
>pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be
>in
>the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of
>blatant stupidity.
>If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
>mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest
>friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will
>somehow
>receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90
>times.
>I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what
>you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are
>it's your own unpopularity.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
>Chain Letter Type 1:
>(scroll down)
>Make a wish!!!
>No, really, go on and make one!!!
>Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
>Wish something else!!
>Not that, you pervert!!
>Is your finger getting tired yet?
>STOP!!!!
>Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish
>Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if
>you
>don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be
>raped
>by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
>It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones,
>THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
>*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at
>you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
>*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at
>you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
>*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at
>you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on
>your life.
>*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at
>you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your
>house.
>Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
>-------------------------------------------------------
>Chain Letter Type 2
>Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there
>is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms,
>no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be
>saved,
>because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to
>the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
>Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely
>no
>way of counting the e-mails sent and this is all a complete load of
>bullshit.
>So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47
>seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or
>6 people, you will die instantly.
>Thanks again!!
>-------------------------------------------------------
>Chain Letter Type 3
>Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
>This
>is absolutely incredible because there was no e-mail then and
>probably
>not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it
>works:
>Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
>horrible will happen to you like:
>*Bizarre Horror Story #1
>Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
>recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
>crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
>drainpipe
>in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only
>did she smell nasty, she died. This Could happen to You!!!
>*Bizarre Horror Story #2
>Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
>ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
>boyfriend. (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and
>went
>to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for
>eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!
>Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just
>send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will
>be okay.
>-------------------------------------------------------
>Chain Letter Type 4:
>As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one
>of your friends.
>Friends
>A friend is someone who is always at your side,
>A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and
>your breath smells like you've been eating catfood,
>A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a
>hat full of arseholes,
>A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
>yourself,
>A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
>your sad, sad life,
>A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
>think
>you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs,
>A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets
>the cheque and leaves and doesn't speak much English... -no, sorry
>that's the cleaning lady,
>A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he
>wants his wish of being rich to come true.
>Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.
>-----------------------------------------------------------
>The point being?
>If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you
>shagless
>or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny,
>send
>it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a
>leper
>in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27
>years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if
>you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
>Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your
>knickers missing tomorrow morning.
>
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